So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
