We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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