That's when you crack a 10am beer
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
