you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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