apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
