I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
