i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
