Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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