My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just blew my weed a kiss
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
