All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
