Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
