That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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