Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
