the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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