if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
