You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
