Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
