they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
