Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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