Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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