Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
