Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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