Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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