Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
