Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
