Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
