Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
