The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
