I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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