she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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