I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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