at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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