so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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