I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
