the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
