that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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