You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
