It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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