If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
