True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
