question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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