imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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