my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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