ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
