omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
People in love make me want to vomit
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
