It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
