I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
