eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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