"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
