yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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