how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
