She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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