we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
